House Hunters vs. House Hunters International

SPOILER ALERT: House Hunters sucks. And its fake. And there are now up to 4…4 formats of this show, including House Hunters Islands and House Hunters: One Year Later (or whatever it is called). The show is on for a guaranteed one hour each night at a very inconvenient time in my life, 10pm PST, or bedtime. It is a brutal show…yet, for some reason I (and we) can’t take our eyes off of it. I won’t get into how fake this show is, just google “house hunters fake” and you can read as much as you want. This post is to compare your two viewing options, House Hunters and House Hunters International, plain and simple.

The trivia team got into a little discussion last night on which version each liked better, thus, which version was better. Strong opinions flew from person to person until the topic was dropped. Here are the breakdowns of each version, with supporting arguments. If you haven’t watched the show before here is the gist…people(s) view three houses with their significant other, camera whore friend and even more camera whore-y real estate agent…they hem and haw…get coffee/wine/beer and/or walk through a park…and make a decision that they’ve already agreed upon without argument…3 months later we’re shown into their new home and they are having a party with 5-6 super camera whore-y friends. Here is a standard episode from each version, enjoy.

House Hunters – newly married couple leaving their downtown Charlotte loft to Fort Mill for “space” and “schools” and “more house”. Real estate agent/narrator will mumble on for a few minutes about the proximity to shopping and restaurants and schools and hospitals and the 40 minute rush hour commute to his job as a financial analyst and her job as a media buyer, but they get more space and more bang for their buck…and there is a movie theater, Applebees and Kohl’s right around the corner! Here is their wishlist…hardwood floors (they’ll judge carpet or laminate as unlivable), granite countertops, updated stainless steel appliances (you can’t magnet up photos or calendars on the front of stainless steel refrigerators…idiots), open floorplan for entertaining, 4 bedrooms (because you need 4 bedrooms), open room for “movie theater” with big screen/lazy boy recliners/poster of Scarface/vintage popcorn machine, double sinks (ok, this is necessary), big yard for BBQing and entertaining (this is too, if you sacrifice city for suburbs you better get a big ass back yard). Watch any House Hunters and 3/4 of those things will be on their list.

The first house is probably their friends house who moved to Fort Mill first, and are excluded in all the fun their friends are still having who live in the city, so getting on TV is a life highlight and springboard for their dream of owning their own interior design company. Right on budget…how convenient.

The second house has everything but is over budget…” Holy crap…its even renovated to look just like our downtown loft…its 1,000 square feet but has an unfinished attic which could double for a room for David the Gnome and Friends, we’ll call this their “rec room”…all new finishes AND the kitchen opens up to the living room so their parties will be soooo awesome…but it only has 2 bedrooms so…oh and one bathroom…can you spell TROUBLE.

Well we liked the first house (because we’ve gone to a few dinner parties, drank too much and been stranded their over night kind of “like the first house”)…the second house was over budget but we liked it, but how sensible is it??? Onto house #3…its a giant ass track house in a great neighborhood…authors note, I grew up in a middle class suburban neighborhood with mostly track houses, I didn’t hate it. The schools are right around the corner…but you get no backyard and it is over budget…ok, I’m bored now, and you are too…they go to a hip bar and struggle with their decision…after all the excitement of house #2 blah blah blah…they pick house 3 because everyone picks that house for “space” “schools” and “more house”…Andrew likes House Hunters because he too wants to live in a big house in the ‘burbs.

House Hunters International isn’t without faults…I would even say the people are WAAAAAAAY more annoying and ridiculous “Oh my gosh…where is the refrigerator? I have to go to the bathroom across the hall? I want to live in the city center but have to walk up 5 flights of stairs and live in closet? Where is my restaurant grade kitchen? YES you morons, you chose to move to Europe…did you do no research before? do you have common sense?. However, and this is big for why HHI is the better version of the show…I want to go to all of those places! Berlin, Prague, French Riviera (ok I have been there and if you have the means, I’d highly recommend it, it’s quite choice), Seoul, Tokyo, Cabo, buying a winery in coastal Spain…sign me up.

If you tune into International and there is a foreign couple buying a house, keep watching because they’re buying for all the right reasons…Vacation home, new start, british guy falling for an italian women so he’s moving to Florence to be a schlub and live in Florence because let’s face it…Florence > most places. They’re educated and generally the best group to watch on any of the House Hunters suite of programming.

Now the worst group to watch…but best…but worst. 25 year old woman, moving to Paris, doesn’t have a job, wants to find herself, brings along mom/friend/etc., mostly mom though…because lets face it, she’s paying for it anyway. She was an english major in college and has read too many Hemingway novels and watched “Midnight in Paris” a few too many times. She wants to find a job teaching english to French kids…she wants to live in the city center…she wants to live by cafe’s, shops, restaurants, etc., I guess everyone wants to live by these things, not isolated, moving on. She views 2 apartments that are all between 150 and 300 square feet and cost $350,000 US. That is a great deal for Paris though…if you ask the crazy ass French, beret wearing real estate agent that always seems sooo cool…yeah, her:

Crazy Ass French Lady

Crazy Ass French Real Estate Agent

House 3 is somewhere in BFE along some metro-rail/subway/thing that scares the living hell out of 25 year old, sheltered rich girl so that one is clearly off…until we learn, again, shockingly that mom is paying and that one is 750 square feet and $300,000 US. She finds some sort of silver lining and buys that house because there is a hot plate, full bathroom, european heated bathroom towel dryer thing, and a mini washing machine/laundry contraption in the kitchen. Emily likes International more, she really wants that washing machine/laundry thing…

I’m open to suggestions on why House Hunters is better than International but I lean heavily toward…wait…I almost did it…see what just happened…they are both terrible shows and wasting up to an hour each night is embarrassing. Well, look at the time…

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